Two years ago, in September 2015, I began a monthly routine of making a playlist of what I'd been listening to that month.  These are made up of songs which were perhaps released that month, or the month prior, or just songs that I felt had lyrics that put into words the madness going on in my head.  By the end of the month, a playlist of around 30 songs is left in my iTunes library to be revisited or to just be left as a sonic snapshot of what was happening in my life at that particular time.  I've always been rubbish at keeping a diary, especially in the most difficult times, because the idea of pouring out words of brokenness on to a pad of paper seems like a mammoth task when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and try and escape it all.  These playlists, these snapshots, are probably the best way I have documented the reality of the past couple of years.  Sure, I can scroll down my Instagram feed, read the captions and the occasional shady or exceptionally truthful hashtags, but no one wants to broadcast the hardest parts, or most personal parts of life, for their 462 followers to see.  If someone who's not me listened to each one, they may not know the significance of that line in verse 2 of song 5 but to me it may explain exactly how my life was moving on a certain day back in October 2016 or send me straight back to how that particular month felt.  My favourite example of this is my July 2016 edition.  To another's ear, it is just a selection of music by The 1975, Walk The Moon and Tracy Chapman, but to me, it sounds exactly like the feeling of staring out of a train window in Germany, hazy summer nights in foreign places with people I love and that holiday romance that seemed to shape my emotional response to melodies for months after.

I also use lyrics that I've been liking to caption my Instax Mini photos.

Now, I do worry that this is a habit fuels the part of my brain that lives in the past (and that sometimes completely takes over), especially as earlier this year I found myself returning to the playlists I had made in happier times because I wanted to escape the present greyness that filled that actual point in time.  However, one of my favourite things now is being able to look back at the playlists made in those difficult times because I question the selection of music on my screen; I am unable to relate to the sombre or yearning tones and realise how far I've come and how happy I am now.  You may be wondering why I am writing about this if I previously said that no one wants to document the hardest parts of their lives online.  I wanted to use these monthly song collections as a way of discussing the music that I am currently listening to or particular lyrics which were standouts to me and then contextualise them with snippets of my life that I want to share because I'm finally excited about the future again instead of living in memories.  It will probably be more personal than my mostly lighthearted or jokey Instagram captions but won't be as raw as one might find in an actual diary entry.

I have now briefly explained the role music plays in my personal life.  I should also say that I study Music and History, and am about to enter my second year at University, so equally have a professional relationship with music.  I am a singer, a songwriter, I dabble in guitar playing and comping out chords on the keyboard but technically my principal instrument in the Flute, having achieved Grade 8 in 2015 after 10 years of learning.  As someone often with their head in the clouds, I can guarantee you that 90% of the time I'll probably be daydreaming up lyrics or replaying a melody I've had stuck in my mind for hours.

Here I am, an ickle first year, strumming away.

Thank you for reading this far, I hope your eyes find my blog again in the future so I can let you further into the music in my life. Until then, feel free to follow me on Instagram for some self-indulgent photography and Twitter for highly political commentary among other 140-character-long thoughts.

Hope you're well,
Sarah xoxo

(The lyrics in the title are from the song 'Still' by Seinabo Sey.  I hope the reason behind their use is clear to you but this song is also included in my August 2017 playlist which will be explored in the next post.)